The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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