Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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