So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
