I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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