and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
