i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
