You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
