I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
