Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Every concussion has its silver lining
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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