I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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