Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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