The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Someone stole a lamp last night.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
