Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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