You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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