I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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