i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
