Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
