I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
