butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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