this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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