captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
