bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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