I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
