You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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