stop calling my apartment porn island.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
