I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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