Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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