dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
