Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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