Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
