if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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