So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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