I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
