I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
