The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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