I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
