I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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