I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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