Can i not drive my cunt home
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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