you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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