If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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