if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
