he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
