lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
