You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
