we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
