Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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