But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
