Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
