I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
