I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
