Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
